Blog Entry 17 * 5-18-22
What a strange night it was. I just wanted to soul travel to a peaceful place and meditate, to escape into that familiar feeling of higher realms and subtle light. But this time, something was different. This was the first time Krishna wasn’t interested in soul traveling with me during my meditation.
Instead, He simply stayed with me—in the space I was already in. We didn’t go anywhere. We just... were.
At first, I was frustrated. Soul travel had become one of my most beloved ways of coping, healing, and connecting. The day had felt like it was setting the stage for that kind of meditation, only for this strange resistance to show up when I sat down. I tried to push through it. I attempted to force my way into those subtle worlds, hoping to bypass whatever was holding me back. But nothing opened.
Krishna gently made it clear that He had a different plan for the evening. He wanted to meet me here, not "there." He wanted to share deeper bliss with me—not through escape, but through presence. It was confronting. The day had already been purifying and heavy. My energy system felt soft, “squishy,” and sensitive, like it does when I'm moving through an integration phase. Everything in me wanted comfort, and comfort usually meant rising above it all.
That night, I began learning what it truly means to make space for Krishna’s will—even when it clashes with my preferences. I wanted soul travel. I wanted out. But Krishna wanted in. He wasn’t trying to deny me joy; He was trying to show me a deeper, more grounded kind of joy. One that doesn’t rely on leaving the body or escaping the world. One that flows through the body. Through the now.
Sometimes, what the Divine gives us looks completely different from what we think we need. We might think we need elevation, but Krishna knows we need integration. We may ask for escape, but Krishna offers intimacy instead. The ego resists it—it wants to be in charge of the experience—but real devotion is about trusting that the path is being shaped by a higher intelligence than our own.
That night, I couldn’t do what I wanted. I had to sit with what was. It was uncomfortable. But Krishna’s presence was real. I was being taught to let go of the illusion that I was in control—and that lesson was sacred.
After the experience, I still didn’t have all the answers. I felt more embodied, but less able to follow my old patterns. And that was the point. Krishna was slowly dissolving the part of me that wanted to drive. His bliss wasn’t gone—it was simply arriving in a new form, a quieter one, rooted in trust.
In the end, this moment was less about meditation technique and more about surrender. Letting Krishna lead—especially when I didn’t want to—is what made the moment transformative. Sometimes devotion looks like transcendence, but sometimes, it looks like staying exactly where you are and letting the Divine remake your heart.
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